What of my Value Tomorrow

What of my Value Tomorrow http://cohenovate.com/2023/07/23/what-of-my-value-tomorrow/

Oh, back in the 19’s, I knew a man named Abe. Abe had one leg, he was older than the ground he walked on, and he was alone and fairly confrontational to people around him.

He was related to my G-d parents, an uncle to my G-d father. He served in the war (WWII) and I believe this is where he lost his leg. Back in this time, people like him were called “crazy.” He was a crazy old man lost in his own world surviving day to day. Limping through life with the tics, the blinks, and the yelling aloud. He lived in my apartment building in Coop.

I’d say hello to him when I saw him, and he would give me a nod or a small acknowledgement. One day, I was passing by him as he sat on a bench near the building. He was just there, staring into the nothingness and I approached him from where he could get a good point of sight on me.

I asked him permission to sit next to him and he granted me the space. I don’t remember what I asked him first but at some point, the light in his eyes lit and he was with me, telling me stories and talking about the war. In my neighborhood, there were many older people who had either fought in the war or were holocaust survivors. Abe was an American warfighter. He was a good man, and he was shell shocked. He was alone and on his own, with one leg and all the makings of yesterday’s insanity(war). For the moment, he was with me and sharing his story.

I don’t remember all the words; I wish I did. I don’t remember all the stories either. I do remember that from then on, we had a connection and that when I saw him in passing, he and I had something that for an instance grounded him.

To the naked eye, the eye of judgement, the eyes in a glance, the man was mean and nasty. He was a survivor. Whatever happened to him, he kept going and he lived his life. Given the chance he had a lot to share, and it felt good to listen and be a part of the conversation. It felt good to pay attention to him while the world seemingly ignored his existence. Who knows the truth? He could have been a hero or a villain. From what I could see, he was a man alone and in a world of his own.

We all have Abe's or have had someone like Abe in our lives. Whether we chose to engage them or not, is a personal question to be worked out from our own perspective. I don't believe it is right or wrong to walk by people and keep to yourself, but I do think there are many missed opportunities because we don't stop and hear a story or three.

Abe was an extreme, but Stacey (my sister) and I were taught by mom to see past a few masks. I am not sure exactly how it works but it has been a theme for both of us.

Stopping for Coffee

Often, we disregard people who we believe or perceive to be of no value.

A retired CEO, four years out of his role with few connections to the world he used to know.

A retired executive or military member, out of the grind, out of touch with the day to day or without positional power.

The day after someone decides to retire or is released from their role, their status, their position, whatever it was they may have represented perceptually; their social value could go away overnight.

In a conversation with a retired General, I said "I am honored to be able to speak with you today sir, but could you imagine if I tried to have a conversation with you while you were actively in your post?" He laughed and said, "It is highly unlikely that I would have given you any time."

It is amazing how many people reach out to me today and ask to meet over a cup of coffee. Just yesterday, many of the same people wouldn't give me the time of day. Now that I have some value or potential value to them, it is time for coffee. Just yesterday, I was Abe.

What good is this person to me? What value do they represent? Why would I give them my time?

Regardless of their past behavior, my general rule is to meet for coffee. There is always something to learn.

Press Past the First Glance

I met Arden “Spook” in 1999, he was disfigured by skin cancer, his personality was abrasive, and he was loud and could put one off. A retired Marine MSGT in his 50’s with no filter and no boundaries. When I first met him, he reminded me a little of my grandfather. I can’t be sure what it was, but it was enough for me to see past whatever his abrasiveness. I worked for him at a small internet provider. I wonder what you would think of him if you met him. A man with no filter, angry, happy, loud, and looking older than his true age. A warrior with no one to shoot. An expert in many things, photography, nature and many other things. He killed people in his time but traded out weapons for cameras when it came to nature. If he were to put in a resume somewhere or use LinkedIn, he would certainly be ghosted.

Spook had value that was irreplaceable. Once the door was open and beyond the days, he threatened to shoot me, my life was always better for him. A gift from him and the opportunity to meet him and for what he gave me. I know his stories and I know where he came from. I also know how much we came to love each other and his role in my life.

Please know, he spent every penny he had and then some, more than his wife Jane wanted for sure. On the surface, he had nothing to offer anyone other than the other side of a piece of lead or being yelled at. The other side of this was one of the most compassionate, understanding, giving and thoughtful people that I’d ever come across in my life. If he bought one thing for himself, he would buy one for me and 10+ to give to all the others. Anyone in his path was susceptible to his kindness as well as his unusual personality.

He taught me about giving when there was very little to share or give.

What of my value? On the outside, if I look a certain way or if I don’t hold a station or something that seems of interest, what of me?

Here is a tip from me to you. If given an opportunity to meet someone and you can find the time, take it.

Reaching Out and Keeping Up

I have found authors of older books very accessible. Especially if they were on The NY Times best seller list in 1982. I mean, the point is, they have the same or more wisdom, value, words as they did then but now have more availability. When I read something, if I have a question, I’ll ask.

Retired Generals, Admirals, CEO, CIO, business owners, leaders, scientists, musicians, artists, all sorts of people. The stories they have, the skills, their knowledge and wisdom could make a difference given the opportunity.

Worth the Time

Some have read and wondered "how many people read Howie's posts"? I have had many discussions on why I write and who reads, how they interact or ignore. It is absolutely true that if I write a long post, it is more likely to be "skimmed" but for those who do read and write back, if there is a question to ponder or thought to explore, the effort is always worth it.

Many times, I have written about my friend Ron. If it was one person that read something more about him, I'd be happy. Why? Whether at home or at work, he has always stayed engaged in learning, sharing, pushing and helping people. Years ago, we traveled together to speak with a program manager working for the Air Force, he said, "If it weren't for Ron.. we wouldn't ...be here ... and successful." When we left, Ron still struggled with why this statement was so important. Why this is important today.

If you help one person, if your message is to ONE it is always to many if it is received by the one. It is always shared, it is always of value. We don't always have the opportunity or the gift of seeing the tiny domino tipping over the skyscraper.

Do you understand this?

Do you understand that your value in many instances is unknowable to you?

Far too many of us dismiss people for what we perceive as their value as to who we think they are relative to what they were. We may have very little or any idea of what they could or may be to us.

I would offer to you the idea of embracing your Abe and finding your Spook and paying attention to Ron. At some point, you could be one of them yourself. While I have a coach and I love him, he doesn’t need a license or special permit to help me, I actively listen to him regardless. You don’t require a permit to receive or give of yourself, but you must be open to it.

Regardless of your station, your position, your perception of power and value, consider today being open to people. Don’t ghost or respond to people based on how important you think they are. Treat them with the respect and kindness of their potential relative to how you want to be treated as if they understand your value.

As I reflect today, I have met many people in my life that took an active role and interest in helping me. I am better for them all and I do feel blessed and lucky to have had them help me. I also see it clearly as a responsibility to be this person for others not because I perceive some inherent value but because I know that regardless of what happens, it is worth the journey.

I hope this is helpful to you. 

The Multitudes

The Multitudes http://cohenovate.com/2023/06/25/the-multitudes/

Never Remember

Never Remember http://cohenovate.com/2023/07/16/never-remember/

Smartly Fearless

Smartly Fearless http://cohenovate.com/2023/07/09/smartly-fearless/

Smartly Fearless

The difference between the road ahead and a rear-view mirror is the danger that lies ahead vs the obstacles and danger you’ve overcome.

Photo by Anna Shakhrai on Pexels.com

We can celebrate one side and be stymeid in fear of the other.

Captain Jack Doesn’t Like All the Words

Many people like a quick summary instead of digging into to all the of the reading. For those of you who just want the highlights, here you go.

Smartly Fearless means to understand that you have valid fear and that you may have the ability to think through all the scenarios where things can go wrong, but you choose to take a chance and move forward past your fear regardless.

It is a moment that you say “eff it” accept what may happen, aim your sights on what you want to happen and make it happen.

1. Say “eff it”
2. Have a bias for action and act, (test your ideas)
3. Accept what happens and be kind to yourself,
4. Live a life where you constantly seek out “no regrets,”
5. Reflect on your past and envision your future.

Read on (if you choose) ramblings of working through fear

Reading the book “Solve for Happy” I realized some anger and frustration about myself through Gawdat’s introduction. There are people I have come across in life that have talent, skill and ability making them so very capable of almost anything. In renaissance times there were people like the famous Davinci that were Polymath’s studying all sorts of things. I suppose that in our time entertainment distracted us from learning. At the same time, we all have a certain capacity to learn and some of us reach this threshold faster than others.

I felt frustrated when I read the introduction because Gawdat is clearly a polymath. He was not only capable of a great many things, but he also realized his ability in art, music, science, and he effectively hacked the system to achieve his objectives. Every human has a story, and we all suffer in some way. Mo has his and I certainly wouldn’t trade places with him, but I want to raise the point that we mere mortals don’t all have the same ability. My read is that he sees everything as an engineering problem that he can solve which is more powerful in his psyche than any fear he may have. He breaks every problem into a smaller part and works out how to tackle it. The point is that he “took action” to overcome a challenge. This is one of the more important things to realize.

We must have a bias for action to overcome fears.

To be clear, this post isn’t about Mo Gawdat and his perspective on being happy, it is about understanding and accepting myself for what I am and what I can do. Through this understanding, I can work towards overcoming my fears and find the outcomes that I would like to achieve for myself and my family. I must understand my bias for action and my relative ability to do things and stuff.

Through the years, I overcame fear in life and business without understanding myself. It is important to point out that many of us take chances and dive into things without knowledge because sometimes, knowing or believing we know provides us insight and predetermined outcomes that we conjure up. Sometimes, I just said to myself, “Whatever happens happens” and took the chance to do something. There were a lot of feelings about it, and I definitely had fears, but I did it regardless.

I have spoken to many people over the years who had great ideas but never took action. One of my friends is a highly successful businessperson. He wants to help people; he wants to start a non-profit. He has wanted to do this for almost all of the years we have been friends, but he hasn’t done it. He still talks about it today, but he is afraid, and his fear has been a wall for him.

The smartest people block themselves with fear by creating all the fear scenarios. The rest of us have “fear” for so many reasons both because of what we believe we know and the unknowns. Fear seems to be a common enemy for many of us.

People tell us we can’t do things and they place their fears on us. They tell us we can’t do things because they can’t see an outcome. They are also jealous that they are choosing not to advance themselves and overcome their fears.

Some people jump out of airplanes, go on personal life journeys, or take extreme actions to help them overcome their fears.

Fear and ability aren’t necessarily tied at the hip. If we didn’t achieve things that were seemingly impossible before we would have been unable to see past our fear for sure.

In my youth, I sabotaged myself because I was afraid of my potential. I believed that if I achieved success or what I believed was success that my life would be over. My grandma always told me I had so much potential and instead of using this to advance myself, I used it against myself. It was all fear based. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to do or achieve what she could see in me. I didn’t want to be a disappointment, so I didn’t even try.

A Seat at the Table

I asked for a seat at the table.
They said “no”
I walked in the door, grabbed a garbage can, and flipped it upside down, scooted in while they were chatting.
No one stopped me.
My can became a stool.
My stool became a seat.
If you have a desire to make a difference, chances are the only person stopping you is you.
Try making your own seat, let us know what happens.

I posted this on LinkedIn not long ago because it was true. I hear so many people talk about the things they can’t do but they don’t realize the things they can.

As I said, I was the king of self-sabotage. The universe conspired to help me, and I ruined all the opportunities it gave me. Even with all my challenges and my hardships, there was always a ray of light gleaming through the trees. I had an opportunity to follow a path but chose to derail myself until I discovered the “we” part of “me.”

The “we” part of me was born out of my understanding of our connectedness to each other and the world. From a practical perspective, it represents the things I feel compelled to do for people I love, and my extended circles. I suppose it leads back to my perspective of interdependence. I think we need each other for a myriad of reasons but once I discovered the idea of “service” for myself I found that it could be my motivation to overcome the many things that held me back.

Accept What Happens and No Regrets

My situation growing up was very complicated. Fear was a common thing in my house. “What if this and what if that?” There were a lot of ideas but little action. efore climate change issues were a popular thing my mom would talk about it. She had ideas about building domes to protect people and live in harmony with the earth. She had so many ideas on so many things. She could see the world in a way that many others could not. She would talk to people individually about her ideas, but she never did anything with them. Some of her ideas became innovations or inventions by others naturally. hen she saw something come to life, she would call me and tell me “Look there is my idea, it worked.” I tried to encourage her to find ways to express herself, go back to school, do something with her passions. She never did that, but she said, “My gift to this world is you and Stacey.” She believed in helping the world one person at a time.

I appreciate her perspective and I decided to act on helping a person at a time but also to find ways to do more. I have realized that at every point where I was afraid and in that moment of realization of “this is it,” I would need to tell myself that I didn’t want to wonder what might have happened. If I could visualize myself on the other side of it, I could make it happen. Regardless, no regrets.

The End

At life and work, there are many things to be afraid of. I have a number of stories in my life where I did things that other people wouldn’t do. They warned me that I couldn’t meet with CEO’s, presidents of companies, authors, senior government officials. I’ve been told that I wouldn’t be able to get a seat at the table.
I watched people throughout my life who had great ideas that never took them into action. I have seen people who failed in one action but found another.
I have seen people on the quest for happiness ask themselves why it took them so long to make a move.
I have seen people stuck in the mud of their fears.
There are certain truths that philosophers, scientists, religious scholars and all of the great minds hold in common. For today, we are born, we live, and we die.
I look towards the future knowing every day is a gift. If I seek to live every day as if it is my first and last, what can I achieve?
Do I have fear? Absolutely, but I have a bias for action.
I don’t allow people to tell me what my own personal boundaries are. I live within the societal rules, laws and boundaries but I push them.
Fear is a good thing, it helps protect us, but we need to overcome it, set it aside and seek to achieve our goals. Envision the future, reflect on the past and seek outcomes which will make us proud and live a life with no regrets.

Photo by Olya Kobruseva on Pexels.com

4th

4th

Today, we celebrate our independence, but independence is not what we seek to achieve. The reason we wanted separation is because of money and resources.

We have since created an old and complicated system of dependence. In fact, we have created “interdependence” I wonder if there was a defining moment when someone signed a document to close a factory or farm to source the goods from overseas. Something that we don’t talk about much historically speaking.

We are now forced to defend other countries to protect our supply chain and to protect our interdependence.

We seek to save money through interdependence, but we spend more than we save. We invest billions of dollars protecting the world. Is America independent?

We sought independence only to create dependency.

On the other hand, do we actually want independence? Do we want a global America? A melting pot of people intertwined as one culture of cultures. A world of democratic principles and practices which seek to protect the idea of human freedom to the extent that a person can be free.

What would it mean to be independent? What would America look like if we chose to be independent and we focused our efforts and energies on a better America?

I don’t know if we can do that. I don’t believe the body of America not the people but the republic would choose to be independent. I realize the nature and idea of being a separate government free from the authority of another is truly the intent of today. As an American, I value the opportunity to think about our history and our future in a way to discuss and dive into difficult topics and concepts openly.

For a very short time I was a Boy Scout. One of the moments in my life that I remember clearly was when they asked me to memorize and say something that I didn’t want to say at the time. They told me I “had to” and when I protested, I said, as an American, I don’t have to say anything I don’t want to say. When they sought to force me, I left.

America seeks to be separate and together, dependent, and independent, are we a contronym?

The fireworks, parades and holiday sales aren’t my passion but the idea of better world is appealing to me. My point is that we create social, political and economic boundaries and we label them, but the true spirit of what Americans are and continue to seek out is not “independence” but “interdependent harmony.” It may also be true that we (our system) want something for the world that some world leaders do not want for their people.

As I think of today, I am not focused on sacrifice because it was never about sacrifice, it was always about separation and control of the body so as not to be “mined.” Instead, I am thinking about what we do and can do to extend the idea of reasonable fairness in freedom, liberty, and a person’s ability to think, feel and express themselves as they may choose. To create a place and space for a better and healthier world. However, you may choose to view today, I hope that you enjoy the day and that we can together appreciate our ability to say what we believe and live our lives with both independence and dependence in harmony with others!

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